


THAT IS NOT THE INTENDED USE, SIR.

by Willowanderer



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowanderer/pseuds/Willowanderer
Summary: Prompt from Tumblr: AU: Support team for super heroes, bonus points for gross misuse of staplers
Kudos: 5





	THAT IS NOT THE INTENDED USE, SIR.

The inside of the van was dim, lit only by the holographic computer screens that floated around a chair mounted in the back. The light made the tall angular figure seated in it looked even more washed out. He was also throwing a tantrum.

“No. No no.” he pounded on the arm of the chair. “Idiots! I’m working with idiots! Why don’t they just LISTEN?! Why can’t they keep more than one thought in their heads for more than ten seconds?!” 

Slowly the smell of flowers filled the space and he sneezed several times, breaking the rant, and two more deep breaths brought him to near stillness. 

“Are you done?” inquired a deep melodic voice. “Because as it stands, I do agree with you, and do know exactly where to cast the blame. Our _illustrious_ leader. However, pitching a fit like a child who doesn’t get the flavor of ice pop they want does nothing. And surely you don’t think we can beat The Key ourselves?” 

“Not _today,_ “ The blond’s eyes flicked aside to a screen and he raised a hand.

"Vexen. _darling_ , focus.” The smell intensified “Today we need to rescue the team, laugh at them and chase The Key away.”

“Stop drugging me so I can think then.” He waved a hand and the smell started to subside. 

“It’s not drugging; it’s aromatherapy.”

“Please. Keep your esters to yourself.”

“Of course.” he turned and grumbled slightly “It’s not as if I could be regulated to anything more useless.”

“Shhh- Superior down, trapped in a tangle, which got the Diviner as well. Both of them may free themselves, but not unless we get them time. Key appears to be focused on them. Freeshooter MIA, again, Whirlwind is… ah, puking his guts out, poor man. That blow looked like it dented his plating. Silence went underground removing Cloak after The Key’s partner Twilight turned one of his illusions back on him. Should not count on their return. Twilight in pursuit. Flaming Fury is…” his voice paused and cracked “useless.”

“ _Also_ MIA.” Corrected the driver of the van. 

“Don’t interrupt me. Nocturne has gone liquid and apparently followed Silence and Cloak- good perhaps he can get a drop on Twilight. Gamble is down and needs to reform completely.”

“But _I’m_ more useful _here_.” snarled the driver under his breath and there was a noise of material getting mangled. “And the Nymph is still engaged with Heart.”

“I am trying to work here, Marluxia.” 

“I thought you were just recapping, I’m only trying to help.” Either of them could have prevented the unmitigated disaster that was the fight that had just happened in Marluxia’s opinion. But no, Superior had told them they needed to stay back, and act as support, informing Marluxia that his presence as Assassin’s Blade was secondary to his ability to heal and of course, calm the volatile Academic. Marluxia always wondered when they were stuck in the observation van, why Superior forgot that he was just as likely to rile the man up as use his esters to calm him down. 

“If Key can be distracted briefly, I believe Diviner and Superior will reenter the fight.”

“Oh that I can do,” Marluxia pulled down his mask, and put his hand on the door.

“ _Without_ disobeying our orders to stay hidden.” 

Marluxia turned and glared at him, and Vexen returned it with a haughty glare of his own, belying the temper tantrum he’d been throwing minutes before. Then he deliberately reached out and plucked one of the objects from the desk that Vexen insisted was needed though most of his strategizing took place via the holographic screens. 

“Excuse me, that’s my -” 

Opening the van door a crack, Assassin’s Blade disappeared into a tangle of dark vines. Vexen looked back at the monitors in time to see Key fall forward clutching the back of his head, dazed. Confusion evident in his huge blue eyes. The offending object was a simple enameled black stapler, the kind found in any office clattered to the pavement beside him. 

Assassin’s blade returned to the van shut the door and started it up. 

“YOU THREW MY STAPLER AT HIS HEAD!”

“You haven’t used it in weeks.”

“THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT!”

It was lucky, Marluxia decided that Vexen’s powers were intellect and ice and not sound or the van would be rocking. On the monitors Diviner ripped himself free, and did the same for Superior. Together they closed on The Key. Somehow, he was sure that when the team went over the mission when they RTC’d, that help would be grossly overlooked.

**Author's Note:**

> this story has surprising potential, actually


End file.
